I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
