and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
