one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
