I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
