The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
