Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
