Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize