just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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