I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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