just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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