You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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