I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
