I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
