I just pynch a tree in the face
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
