clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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