Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
