I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
