It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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