He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
