4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
