You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
