it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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