he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
