remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
