her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
