YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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