Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
