i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That accounts for only three of the penises
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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