On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
