So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
