I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
