I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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