I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
