My Higher Power is John Stamos
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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