i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
do herpes really smell.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
