Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize