i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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