Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
