I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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