Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
