I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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