I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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