Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
