Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
