CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
