I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
