Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
