thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
