I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
