fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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