Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Less talking, more tequila
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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