Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
