A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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