I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
