So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
