I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
