Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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