Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
