If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize