Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
