Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
