someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
