maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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