I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize