Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize