Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
