A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
