You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
