i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We left the knife in your bed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize