My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
