So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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