As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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