If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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