your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
