evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
