piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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