Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize