Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
