it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
