Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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