Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
